Been thinking about... Compliments

OK. Raise your hand if you enjoy compliments from others. It makes you feel good - right? It can buoy us and lift our spirit for a little while no matter our age. Mark Twain said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." I am not talking about flattery which can be viewed as having a hidden agenda, or as insincere praise. When that happens, we can usually detect it. What then is a praise or compliment? Why don't we give it more often and why should we?

Some of us think that giving compliments and flattery are the same so we do not do it. It is not. Flattery goes something like, "I bet you're a hard worker" from someone who does not have a window into your work at home or in the office, even if we see them on a regular basis. This does not mean each time someone praises us, we should be suspicious. I am not suggesting that at all.

Compliments on the other hand are genuine, sincere comments that confirm something positive about someone. Examples: "Wow, that blouse looks really nice on you and it brings out your eye color!" "You are a really good friend to shop for your friends during this coronavirus craziness." We don't have to know someone well to say something good about them. It simply takes some observation or learning about the other person, taking our minds off of ourselves, and a thoughtful crafting of how to compliment the person.

There are reasons why we may not be in the habit of giving praise or compliments. Perhaps some of us might be insecure about ourselves so we may think that by giving praise or compliments, we are giving away more of ourselves and we simply cannot afford to feel any lower emotionally than we already do. Perhaps some of us did not grow up in families that gave compliments so we do not know how. Someone told me that was the case in their family. They would get all dressed up for certain occasions, and simply looked at each other thinking how nice the clothing or accessories appeared, but never said anything. Whatever our reason, we can learn to to do this very beneficial act.

Genuine praise and compliments benefit us and the recipients of our encouraging words. For ourselves, it puts us in the mindset of looking for positive things in other people. It is super easy to be critical and to see the negatives. However, the more we practice looking for good qualities in people, the easier it is to see them. Positive people also affect those around them. In instances where I have spent time with an encouraging person whose beauty shines through with their positive words, I have come away wanting to do and be the same. To be genuine and to be received by the hearer as being genuine, we need to observe and learn, and really think about what we are saying so our comments are not perceived as general flattery! And, the more we do it, the easier it is to compliment or praise others. We already know how it makes us feel when someone compliments or praises us, so imagine giving that same feeling to the person you are talking with. It's never too late to learn. 

Some of my favorites from happier.com:

1. You always find something special in ordinary things.

2. Your perspective is refreshing.

3. You are a great listener.

4. I am inspired by you.

5. You are making a difference.

Have you complimented someone recently, or have you been the recipient of praise? Would love to hear about it! In the meanwhile, here are some proverbs to "chew" on:

Proverbs 18:21a "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." NASB

Proverbs 15:2 "The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of the fool belches out foolishness." NLT