When our guys were born, the internet wasn't around and there were no blogs or podcasts. Because, as you know, babies don't come with instructions, we read "a million" books, listened to radio broadcasts on parenting, and attended a parenting conference to learn about parenting God’s way. At this one conference, a word picture was painted -- one of a warrior with a quiver full of arrows. Warriors from long ago made their arrows. The goal was to make sure each one was straight. Then, they trained themselves to shoot straight as well, obviously, so that the arrows hit the target. As the process went, the warrior held the bow with the arrow, drew the arrow back, and was careful to release it in such a way so that it flew straight to where it was supposed to go.
Similarly, in parenting, we train our children in such a way that we can have confident hope that when we release them, they would not miss the mark. Of course, this does not take into consideration, any child’s own decisions. Throughout a child’s life, there are many “release points”. These are times in life when you “release” your child into someone else’s care. Times when you do not have immediate hands-on control over your children to help them make decisions. The idea is to train them in such a way that when they are in someone else’s care, they can self-regulate. In other words, use their manners, behave, and make wise decisions, especially in the volatile pre-teen and teenage years.
A common release point is the first day of preschool or Kindergarten. They are in the care of the teacher and you are not there to help them follow instructions, organize their school supplies, or remember to wash their hands. Another is the first sleepover. You hope they use their manners, brush their teeth, and behave well. At any of these releasing points, you hope that you taught them well so that they can manage being away from you. During pre-teen and teenage years, you hope that when they are away, that they would choose what they view or listen to with discernment. And, finally, you want to train them in such a way that they can "launch" and be on their own, be responsible adults, able to take care of themselves and be independent. You will be surprised at how much children can learn to do even at a young age. One simple practical application: Once they know their colors, they can sort and do laundry: dark colors, whites, and pastels.
Children are accountable to parents when they are growing up living at home, and parents have the opportunity to instruct them. But, what happens when they start to tune out their parents or are grown and out of the house? To whom will they listen or be accountable? This is where introducing faith in God into their lives at a young age comes in. At some point in their lives, it's no longer "because we said so", but "because God says so." We teach them when they are little to look both ways so that they do not get hit by a car by dashing out into the street and get killed or seriously hurt. In the same way, God gives us instructions on how to live so that we don't hurt ourselves and others. Additionally, life is complex and there might be times when they face a certain situation where we do not have answers. That's when they need to tap into their faith and seek God.
To all the moms out there who are still raising children at home, I know you have a hard job. I know because I have been there. I want to encourage you to seek wisdom and sound advice. My husband and I did. We observed families in the church we attended at the time whose children were loving, selfless, respectful to their parents and to others, who worked hard in school and at home. We sought advice from them. There's a plethora of information out there and not all of it is sound or wise. Don't be afraid to reach out to another mom with more experience than you whom you respect to ask some questions. They don't have to be earth-shattering matters. It could be a simple as how to train your child to do chores.
To the more seasoned moms reading this, I would encourage you to make yourself available to chat with that mom raising children who needs some answers. Of course we know that not all children are the same, but share what worked for you. Be honest enough to share what didn't work, or where you may have made mistakes as well.
So, keep on keeping on. Be intentional. Have a mission. Seek wisdom from God, from others, and pray. Then be confident in all that God points you to. My husband and I had this motto when were raising our boys: Do your best based on what you've learned is right, and pray like mad! Cherish those big alligator tear drops. Cherish the cute sayings. Cherish even those awkward challenging teen years. Time does fly by all too fast. You can do this!
A common release point is the first day of preschool or Kindergarten. They are in the care of the teacher and you are not there to help them follow instructions, organize their school supplies, or remember to wash their hands. Another is the first sleepover. You hope they use their manners, brush their teeth, and behave well. At any of these releasing points, you hope that you taught them well so that they can manage being away from you. During pre-teen and teenage years, you hope that when they are away, that they would choose what they view or listen to with discernment. And, finally, you want to train them in such a way that they can "launch" and be on their own, be responsible adults, able to take care of themselves and be independent. You will be surprised at how much children can learn to do even at a young age. One simple practical application: Once they know their colors, they can sort and do laundry: dark colors, whites, and pastels.
Children are accountable to parents when they are growing up living at home, and parents have the opportunity to instruct them. But, what happens when they start to tune out their parents or are grown and out of the house? To whom will they listen or be accountable? This is where introducing faith in God into their lives at a young age comes in. At some point in their lives, it's no longer "because we said so", but "because God says so." We teach them when they are little to look both ways so that they do not get hit by a car by dashing out into the street and get killed or seriously hurt. In the same way, God gives us instructions on how to live so that we don't hurt ourselves and others. Additionally, life is complex and there might be times when they face a certain situation where we do not have answers. That's when they need to tap into their faith and seek God.
To all the moms out there who are still raising children at home, I know you have a hard job. I know because I have been there. I want to encourage you to seek wisdom and sound advice. My husband and I did. We observed families in the church we attended at the time whose children were loving, selfless, respectful to their parents and to others, who worked hard in school and at home. We sought advice from them. There's a plethora of information out there and not all of it is sound or wise. Don't be afraid to reach out to another mom with more experience than you whom you respect to ask some questions. They don't have to be earth-shattering matters. It could be a simple as how to train your child to do chores.
To the more seasoned moms reading this, I would encourage you to make yourself available to chat with that mom raising children who needs some answers. Of course we know that not all children are the same, but share what worked for you. Be honest enough to share what didn't work, or where you may have made mistakes as well.
So, keep on keeping on. Be intentional. Have a mission. Seek wisdom from God, from others, and pray. Then be confident in all that God points you to. My husband and I had this motto when were raising our boys: Do your best based on what you've learned is right, and pray like mad! Cherish those big alligator tear drops. Cherish the cute sayings. Cherish even those awkward challenging teen years. Time does fly by all too fast. You can do this!
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