I recently had a birthday. I am thankful to have lived another year. Thankful not because I have gone around the sun one more time, but for more memories created with family and friends. Thankful for our wonderful sons & daughter-in-law who pray for me regularly. Thankful for my wonderful husband who prays for me daily, and who is so helpful with housework when I do not feel well. Thankful to have received news that we will be grandparents next year. Thankful to still be able to hike. Thankful to my 2 wonderful pulmonologists and their teams for taking care of me. Thankful for the people in my bronchiectasis support group. Thankful for those from the group with whom I have become friends who message me regularly. Thankful for having gone 2 1/2 years w/o needing IV antibiotics. Thankful for close friends I can cry on who would also pray for me when I struggle with something. I have grown spiritually, mentally, and emotionally with my struggles with pseudomonas over the last 5 years. For that, I am thankful. But there’s so much more!
What happened?
My bronchiectasis had been mild growing up. I rarely had lung infections but nothing that oral antibiotics couldn’t take care of. I have always had an active lifestyle: tennis team in high school, county-league volleyball team with Buddy & friends after we were married, waterskiing, and hiking. A major infection occurred around 2003-2005 with mycobacteria, a common bacteria found in the environment in dirt, mulch, etc., but after a handful of antibiotics daily over the course of one year, that resolved itself. That was a hiccup compared to what I was about to face which started in 2016. A boat ride with friends late in 2016 altered my daily activities to the present day. Within 48 hours after the boat ride, I began to feel unwell and it continued for quite some time. I thought whatever I got would work itself out of my system, but after some testing, I was diagnosed with having pseudomonas in my lungs––another very common bacteria that exists everywhere in the environment. Anyone can get it and most people have at one time or another a small amount without knowing it. After a few rounds of oral antibiotics, things seemed to be under control. Then I began feeling bad again, almost a year later in 2017. My doctor suggested IV antibiotics so I was admitted in-patient for two full weeks. The meds took care of it and I felt great! Little did I know that this was the start of several more times of being on IV antibiotics in the hospital and also at home over the next few years. It was also the start of lung care activities that take an hour from start to finish, twice a day, every day.
What have I learned over the last few years?
2017: I learned to accept my situation, and the increased time it took daily to care for my lungs. I didn’t like it at first, but then began to love it because it was a quiet time with the Lord. Just He & I. I think of the old hymn In the Garden. It starts with, “I come to the garden alone…” For me, it’s “I come to the place alone…” (The place where I do my lung care routines.)
2018: I learned to worship and connect with the heart of God through music during my lung care time, even during extreme physical pain at times.
2019: I learned that the Lord used the hospital stays as mission trips which I only saw in hindsight. What I didn’t know was that there were people whom the Lord had appointed to cross paths with me at the hospital each time I was there. These were some of the divine appointments over the last several years up to and including my last hospital stay in May 2021.
One night during a hospital stay, a respiratory therapist came into my room to provide my nebulizing treatment. She came right after I had written one of my devotionals. She asked what I was writing which was unusual but I didn’t mind her asking. I shared that I had been writing devotionals since the 1990s and it was one I just finished. She asked if she could read it. More unusualness, I thought! I disclosed that my writings mention God and if she didn’t care for spiritual content, she didn’t have to read it. She proceeded to ask if she could read it so I let her. When she finished, she shared that she felt empty in her life and didn't know its purpose and my devotional was exactly what she needed to read! She had many more questions which led to me sharing about my life, life questions I had in my late teens and early 20s which were similar to hers, and about my relationship with Jesus.
During another in-patient admission, a nurse shared with me the heartache of a situation with her husband. Yet, another nurse poured out her heart to me because their daughter was getting in trouble and asked me to pray for her. What?!? How did she even know I was a Christian or that I would pray for her? I did and she thanked me profusely. There were others as well.
2020: … that the Lord is more present in deepest darkest times of physical pain, and He answers the prayers of those who are His. At one point, I had been coughing so much that my rib cartilage was inflamed––a condition called costochondritis, which I experienced before. Usually, it would take weeks for the inflammation to be gone. During this particular time, I was hurting so much each time I coughed that I was in tears. While I had never been stabbed before, if I could imagine anything close to it, it would have been the pain I felt having costochondritis! I texted some close friends whom I knew were prayer warriors to pray for me. (I am grateful for you, friends!) One by one they replied saying they were praying. The pain did not let up and in desperation, I cried out to the Lord that these friends (and I named each one) were (still are) His daughters, and they were righteous because they were “covered” by Jesus’ blood, and to please answer their prayers for me. Guess what? The rib pain subsided within 45 minutes and did not return!
2021: … that God is always at work even when things seem out of control. In the early part of 2021, I was not feeling well for a long time. Finally, I had an appointment to see my pulmonologist who suggested a bronchoscopy was in order so they could see the inside of my lungs. Day 1: I went in for the bronchoscopy. Usually, this was quick—-about an hour from start to finish and I would be able to go home. A little situation came up which necessitated an overnight stay for observation. Day 2: The next day I was informed the pseudomonas “count” was really high so I should be on IV antibiotics. Here we go again! So I had to stay for the PICC line procedure but should be able to go home after that. They started me on IV antibiotics and told me I would be released the next day. Noooooo! Day 3: They informed me they were working on getting meds ordered, and a home health nurse lined up so they could release me—-probably by noon. Early afternoon came, they were able to order meds, but could not find a home health nurse available to meet me at my house (due to Covid needs everywhere) so I could not be released that day. I was so frustrated! I was already in 2 days longer than originally planned and I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to cry!! Shortly after that, the Jewish chaplain came to visit me. He was really nice with a calming presence and had visited me before during prior stays. After some cordial greetings and small talk, he asked how I was doing and what helped me with my struggles with my bronchiectasis. I told him it was my faith in Jesus that sustained me. Long story short, I ended up sharing my whole testimony about how I entered into a relationship with Jesus. There was a nurse in the room doing paperwork on the computer, who heard the whole thing. After the chaplain left, she asked me some questions and I was able to share with her some more. She finished up the paperwork and left the room. All of a sudden, like a lightbulb had come on, it dawned on me why the Lord kept me there for 2 extra days—-it was for the sharing of my faith to those 2 people! Whereas I was so frustrated before because I wanted to go home, with that realization, a huge burst of joy filled my soul! The Lord was orchestrating all this the whole time. The next day (Day 4) everything fell into place and they were able to release me.
2022... experienced God showing up when I needed Him; I became more accepting of my situation and was able to laugh at some things.
2023… God defies science! How? Bacteria thrive in moist damp places and inside the body is a good place because it’s warm and moist. However, the last few lab results showed a reduction in the bacteria “count.” The latest result which I am so happy to share is that it is very low. While science says that bacteria once in a comfortable environment for a long time create a colony, God showed up and destroyed it!
Verses the Lord gave me that sustained me and gave me life over these last few years:
1) Isaiah 43:2 NASB When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.
2) Isaiah 41:10 NASB Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Songs that helped me worship, to feel strengthened and victorious through the tough spots:
I Am Not Alone (Kari Jobe)
No Longer Slaves (Bethel Music)
I Surrender (Hillsong)
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail by Hillsong)
Trust in You (Lauren Daigle)
So Will I (100 Bilion X by Hillsong United)
And this year, within the last couple of months, He gave me Rescue Story by Zach Williams.
For all of the above and for so many other big things and little things, I am thankful, most importantly to my Lord, God, & Savior Jesus who loves me and has been with me. He is my rescue story!
Not everyone struggles with health conditions and physical pain, but if you are struggling with a hurt from long ago, or a hurt as fresh as today, the Lord can be with you if you ask Him. The Lord can provide you the peace that defies the circumstance. The Lord can intersect your life with others whom you could bless, even amidst tough times.
